The Strategy That Helped Me Overcome My Biggest Fears
Have you ever found yourself paralysed by self-doubt, too afraid to start something you've always dreamed of doing? You're not alone. Whether it's sharing your art with the world, launching a side hustle, or mastering a new skill, the fear of judgment or failure can be crippling. I've been there, and I know how daunting it can feel. But what if I told you that overcoming this fear and self-doubt isn't just possible, but it is easier than you might think?
Today, I want to share with you a technique that has helped me conquer some of my biggest fears, including starting a business, moving countries, teaching online, and even launching this website where you're reading this blog post!
Why This Matters: The Cost of Inaction
Before we dive in, let's talk about why overcoming this fear is the most powerful thing you can do to change your life. Fear is a natural, powerful, and primitive human emotion. It signals danger, causing us to fight or flee. While this was super useful back in the caveman days to keep us from becoming a sabre-toothed tiger's lunch, in modern times, fear often holds us back from reaching our full potential. Now, why is it important to overcome fear?
Here are a few key reasons:
Personal Growth: When you face your fears, you grow. You gain new experiences, learn new things, and build self-confidence. It's like levelling up in a video game; the more challenges you face, the stronger you become.
Unlocking Opportunities: Fear often keeps us from seizing opportunities that could lead to success. Whether it's starting a new business, investing, or even going on a date, overcoming fear opens doors you didn't even know existed.
Quality of Life: Living in constant fear can be paralysing and stressful, affecting both mental and physical health. Overcoming fear can lead to a happier, more fulfilling life.
Relationships: Fear can also hold you back from forming meaningful relationships. Whether it's the fear of commitment, rejection, or vulnerability, overcoming these fears allows for deeper connections with others.
Creativity: Fear of failure or judgment can stifle your creative process. Overcoming this fear allows you to think more freely, explore new mediums, push the boundaries and make your unique voice come out from the shadows.
Self-Understanding: Facing your fears helps you to get to know your current limits, strengths, values, and areas where you need improvement.
Inspiring Others: When you overcome your fears, you not only help yourself but also inspire those around you. Your courage can act as a catalyst for others to face their own fears.
So, in a nutshell, overcoming fear is like unlocking a new level of life. It's not just about avoiding danger; it's about enriching your entire existence.
The STEPS System
Alright. We probably all know that doing the work to break free from fear is worth it, but what does "the work" even look like? To explain that, I have to first tell you a little story.
A few years back, I wanted to publish my first Skillshare class. The problem? I was terrified of being on camera. The thought of people watching me, judging me, maybe even laughing at me was paralysing.
For a long time, I procrastinated and had a lot of false starts where I would begin trying to make a class, get quickly overwhelmed and quit, only to repeat the same cycle of fear and failure a few months later. After an entire year passed, and procrastinating made me feel so bad about myself, I decided I just had to do something and get a result, no matter how insignificant or small.
That's when I accidentally stumbled on what I would then refine into the S.T.E.P.S. System, which is a practical framework designed to hold your hand through facing (and winning over) your fears.
What is The STEPS System?
S.T.E.P.S. is an acronym for Shed, Target, Ease, Progress, and Sustain. It is a structured approach that combines psychology, my experience of overcoming fear, and actionable steps designed to eliminate the feeling of being overwhelmed and lost.
STEP 1: Strip Perfectionism
The first step in the STEPS System is to shed perfectionism. Now, why is perfectionism such a problem? Isn't it just about having high standards? Wanting to do things well is a great attitude to have, but wanting to do something perfect is a form of self-sabotage that traps you in a cycle of fear and procrastination. You see, perfectionism disguises itself as a virtue when, in reality, it's a defensive wall you build around yourself because perfection is impossible to achieve. So it becomes the ultimate excuse to never really put anything out there, where others will see and judge it. This wall protects you from potential failure or criticism - sure. But it also traps you in a never-ending loop of inaction.
Mind The Gap
On top of that, perfectionism is the enemy of motivation. In the book Motivation Myth, Jeff Haden explains how small wins and steady progress is what keep us motivated and fuel us to continue practising. But sometimes, the gap between our current skills and the end result we want to achieve is so large that it's impossible for us to see our improvements towards it.
And every time you compare yourself to someone else or tell yourself that you should be better than the level you're currently at, you're widening that gap.
So, how do we let go?
There's no one-size-fits-all solution, but what worked for me was making a promise to myself that I would allow myself to make mistakes.
Making mistakes is important because if you want to increase the level of success, you need to increase the level of failure. By accepting that you'll make mistakes along the way, you make room for the small wins and progress Jeff Haden talks about, pulling yourself out of the perfectionism trap, fuelling motivation and clearing the way for genuine growth.
Sometimes Lowering Your Standards Is a Good Thing
In practice, this just means lowering your expectations in the short term. You can still have your big long-term goals - but instead of focusing on the final result you want, you focus on smaller, more manageable actions in between where you are now and where you want to be. And accept that your initial attempts towards those goals may not be as good as you want them to be, and that's not just okay - it is as it is perfectly normal.
STEP 2: Target Your Goal
The next step is to identify the specific part of your broader goal that causes fear. General goals like "I want to be a successful artist" or "I want to launch my own business" can be overwhelming. Without a specific target, you're like an archer shooting arrows blindfolded into the sky, hoping to hit something - ineffective and frustrating.
So, how do we take off the blindfold?
How to Identify Your Target
First, you need a measurable goal so that you will know for sure that you have achieved it. For example, "I want to launch my own business" could become "I am going to open and stock 20 items on my Etsy store." Or "I want to teach art online" could become "I want to publish my first Skillshare class.”
We will call this a Broad Goal.
Next, break down your Broad Goal into all the different aspects, skills or components required to achieve it.
We will call these Target Goals.
For example, my Broad Goal to create a Skillshare class can be dissected into small potential Target Goals such as understanding filming equipment, creating a course curriculum, and learning to record voices over and speaking on camera.
Find Your Achilles Tendon
Now it's time to identify the specific elements that trigger your fear and choose just ONE as your Target Goal. For me, the main sources of fear were creating voiceovers and being on camera. I decided to tackle voiceovers first, with the plan to work on my on-camera presence once I felt comfortable with voiceovers.
STEP 3: Ease Into It: Finding Your Starting Point
Alright, you have your Target Goal. You know what you want to work on. And now you might be wondering... Now what?
We all have to deal with different circumstances, and life doesn't always roll the dice in your favour, but that doesn't mean you don't get to play the game. The key here is to find a starting point that's right for you because no matter how far behind or flawed you might feel, as long as you start and don't stop, you will get to where you want to be.
Starting Small is a Big Deal
In this step, it is particularly important to be honest and kind to yourself - If you are struggling and feeling overwhelmed, it's crucial to recognise that and find a starting point that feels manageable for you.
But what does this look like in the real world?
Every scenario is different, but as an example for me, as a painfully shy introvert with the Target Goal of getting comfortable in front of the camera, my starting point was literally just setting up a microphone and sitting in front of it.
No talking, just sitting there completely petrified - and that was okay.
I didn't force myself to talk. I'd tried that before, and that only turned out in panic, self-loathing and depression. I felt pathetic and flawed for not being able to do something as "simple" as speaking a few words into a microphone, and every time I tried this approach, the only tangible result was stacking up more self-doubt and ultimately giving up.
Nope. This time, I would sit there in silence until I was no longer scared. I am genuinely tearing up as I write this to you because I now realise the importance of that moment. By embracing what I had once considered a 'flaw' - my silence - I met my fear on my own terms. And the moment my anxiety eased, even just a little, while I was sitting in front of that microphone, I scored my very first small win.
STEP 4: Progress Gradually
Now, we're at the part where the magic really starts to happen. You've found your starting point, had your first small win, and you're ready to build on that momentum. This is where the Modified Fear Ladder Technique comes into play. So, what's modified about this fear ladder?
Climbing a Ladder Beats Jumping Off a Cliff
Before diving into the solution, let's first understand the landscape of fear and growth through the concept of three distinct zones:
Comfort Zone: This is your safe haven, where everything is familiar and comfortable. However, staying here means you're not growing.
Learning Zone: Just a step outside your comfort zone. This is where the proverbial magic happens. You're slightly uncomfortable, which is a good thing - it means you're growing and learning.
Panic Zone: Venture too far out, and you hit the panic zone. Here, stress and anxiety are so overwhelming that they become counterproductive.
So, how do you ensure you're spending your time in the Learning Zone without accidentally stepping into the Panic Zone?
Enter the Modified Fear Ladder. In a traditional fear ladder, technique often used in cognitive-behavioral therapy to ease phobias and fear, you list situations that scare you from least to most frightening, tackling them one by one. It is designed to keep you in the Learning Zone, which is the optimal area for personal growth and skill-building. It acts as a safeguard, preventing you from crossing into the Panic Zone, where stress could overwhelm you or push you to quit.
On top of that, with the modified fear ladder, you're not just tackling fears but also building skills in a manageable, paced way. It's like getting a two-for-one deal: face your fears and improve at the same time.
For example, my target goal was getting comfortable in front of the camera. My fear ladder looked something like this:
Step One: Use my selfie camera and sit in front of it until I don't feel scared anymore.
Step Two: Use my selfie camera and talk about how feeling anxious about recording feels!
Step Three: Set the laptop camera, introduce myself, talk about how I feel and add an outro.
Step Four: Set the vlogging camera, introduce myself, talk about how I feel and add an outro.
Step Five: Set the vlogging camera + Rode microphone + introduce myself, talk about how I feel and add an outro.
Step Six: Set the vlogging camera + Rode microphone + introduce myself, talk about a specific topic without script and add an outro.
The Power of Small Wins
These small wins are more than just tiny victories; they are the stepping stones toward larger accomplishments. Each step you take, no matter how small, is a battle won against your inner monster. It's proof that you're capable of more than you give yourself credit for. When you look back, you'll realise that these small wins have paved the way for something bigger - your dream project, your business, or even just a happier, more confident you.
STEP 5: Sustain
So, you're climbing that modified fear ladder, conquering obstacles and acquiring new skills. Awesome! But how do you make sure you lock in the progress and don't slide back down? The answer: build a system. James Clear, the author of "Atomic Habits," put it best when he said, "You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems." So, what does a system look like?
How to Build Your System
The idea of building a system might sound daunting or technical, especially if you're just starting out. But in reality, it boils down to one fundamental principle: Documentation.
The key isn't to construct a perfect system from the get-go. Instead, focus on documenting each step as you take it, and then refine your approach based on what you learn. This way, you're not just building a system; you're building a living, evolving guide that adapts to your needs and experiences.
Document Each Rung of Your Ladder
Whether you use a Notion page, a physical notebook, or an app, make it a point to document each rung of your ladder. Note down the challenges you faced, the solutions you found, and any tweaks you made to your strategy.
A Real Life Example
Personally, I like to document each step of my Target Goal in a dedicated Notion page. For example, when I switched from using my phone to a professional microphone, I asked for advice from my boyfriend, who's experienced with photography and videography. Then, to make sure I didn't depend on him every time I wanted to record, I took his wisdom and created detailed notes and a mini-tutorial in Notion. This way, I don't have to worry about forgetting anything or wasting time solving the same problems again. I can just refer back to my notes.
Having a system like this helps you maintain your progress. Your work quality continues to improve, and you stay comfortably in the Learning Zone. Essentially, each new step feels as manageable as the first, even if you've already come a long way!
Your Story
Conquering fear isn't just about gathering courage or erasing fear from your life. It's about acknowledging and honouring where you're starting from and sticking to a plan that's tailored for you.
The Hidden Journey
When you see someone you admire doing something that seems out of reach for you, remember—you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg. What you don't see are the countless hours, struggles, and personal battles they've fought to get where they are.
Conflict Drives The Plot Forward
It's true that what terrifies one person may come naturally to another, but we all have our own monsters to tame. Doing the work isn't something to be ashamed of - it's part of your unique story.
In every compelling story, it's the monsters that force the hero to face their fears, develop new skills, and rise to new challenges. That's what makes the story worth following.
Happy Endings
And speaking of stories, remember the Skillshare class I wanted to make in my example? Well, I did publish that one, and I've since created several more. These classes now generate passive income and attract new subscribers every month.
I share this with you because I want you to see the potential in facing your fears and embracing your monsters. Your 'monster,' whatever it may be, isn't just an obstacle; it's an opportunity for growth and transformation that could become your biggest strength.
So take that first, shaky step. The world doesn't just need more stories; it needs your story. And who knows? Your next chapter might just be the turning point that transforms your life into the epic tale it's meant to be.